Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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