So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
