Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
