Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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