i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
