We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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