Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
