We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
