ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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