I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
