Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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