No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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