Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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