We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
