Yo dont text me then not text me
high people should be assigned attendants
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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