it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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