he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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