I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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