Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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