You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
