I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
