I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
