do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
