this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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