omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
