Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
