she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
