she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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