the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
