NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
