someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
