I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
