No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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