Ketchup is God's man juice
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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