I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
