so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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