Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
