So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
