you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
