mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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