When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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