i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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