Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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