So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
