Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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