you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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