i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish you could order shots online.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
