Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
