I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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