why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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