i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
