Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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