shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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