doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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