saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
now i know why i became what i already was.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
